Overview to Social Perspective/Theory

The basis of my social theory stands on the tenants of equality, collaboration, communication, appreciation, consideration, objectivity, incentive, compromise, and history. If all the tenants of my social perspective are enacted, then inter-personal to cross-cultural relationships will alter for faster, easier communication and a broader, better-rounded standard of living. It is through technology and communication with others, by others, and for others that an equal ground can be achieved for all. In using the tools and knowledge of man-made devices (i.e. technology & science), there will be an improvement of communication, collaboration, and the natural desires of mankind.

                My philosophical tenant is based solely off of the perspective that man’s utmost desire is to know. In acquiring knowledge in some capacity or function, whether it be studying classical texts or just knowing of other individuals i.e. having friends, is the utmost desire of human kind. In order to acquire such knowledge there must be some form of communication with other individuals- these individuals can be alive (i.e. family, friends, political leaders, pop artists, sport stars, etc.) or dead (i.e. past philosophers, poets, critical thinkers, deceased loved ones, etc.) The function and performance of communication depends upon time, space, interpretive community, and language development. The quality of communication can be marked by published documentation (anything published in some capacity, since it than can exist beyond the time and space of the writers’ individual lives) or it can be marked by how it affects the listeners of an individual speaker (the talks between two lovers, the memory of a quote by a deceased loved one, a motivational speaker- i.e. Martin Luther King, John F Kennedy, a high school principle, a pop icon.) The effectiveness of communication can be marked by the influence of those reading/listening.

Since man’s utmost desire is to know and be known, it is the desire of each individual to be remembered, thought of, and considered for what they say and do, and to be remembered and accredited for the knowledge they already possess. Everyone enjoys being credited for what they do know, even if they know just one other person. Everyone enjoys being appreciated for what they do know, on a small or large scale. It is the act of verbal and physical appreciation of others that seems too often ignored in today’s society. Affective communication will be marked with some kind of response, whether it be an answer to a question, a change in demeanor and personal outlook, or a change in how individuals communicate inter-personally and cross-culturally.

While today’s society functions off of hierarchical roles, it is actually an illusion of socially constructed roles. These roles are important to enact for the safety and protection of others, but the roles are actually an illusion of power dominance, since our society only functions off of interpersonal relationships well intertwined. It is the interpersonal relationships that enact these roles as socially acceptable. In reality, if people are alive, there is an equality of the value of individual lives that is the true tenant of existence. If people took the perspective to appreciate and respect others solely based off of the value of life, than the illusion of hierarchy could be unveiled as the false societal construction it is.

Future blog posts- this list is a most objective outline of blogs to come- but each other these     categories will be expanded into sub-categories in the future

Necessities:

Society:

Cultural Constructions:

History:

Communication:

Collaboration:

Education:

'fear is of death'- Personal Speculation on Death

ok, bottle of water near by, just finished smoking a cig (I'm planning on quitting once i have a new career), and i'm ready to at least share my perspective on death, for what it is worth, take it or leave it, it is just my perspective.

So, I believe that all that happens when we die, is we enter into awareness, awareness of everything that exist. I believe we are able to see and hear and feel and know everyone's perspective that has existed or does exist, we become like God, or we become one with God.

Matter is neither created nor destroyed.

"In physics, energy (from the Greek ἐνέργεια - energeia, "activity, operation", from ἐνεργός - energos, "active, working"[1]) is a quantity that is often understood as the capacity to perform work. This quantity as the contained energy can be assigned to any particle, object, or system of objects as a consequence of its physical state. Different forms of energy include kinetic, potential, thermal, gravitational, sound, elastic and electromagnetic energy. The forms of energy are often named after a related force. German physicist Hermann von Helmholtz  established that all forms of energy are equivalent - energy in one form can disappear but the same amount of energy will appear in another form.[2] Energy is subject to a conservation law. Energy is a scalar physical quantity. In the International System of Units (SI), energy is measured in joules, but in some fields other units such as kilowatt-hours and kilo-calories are also used.

Any form of energy can be transformed into another form. When energy is in a form other than thermal energy, it may be transformed with good or even perfect efficiency, to any other type of energy" - from wikipedia

So if matter is neither created nor destroyed, then everything must be  a displacement of energy. We are alive, we are forms of energy. I think we are unique, the entities in which we now live are unique and un-repeated forms of energy that will never happen again. We only have our one life to live as uniquely this form of energy.

But when we die, as far as I understand it, DMT floods the brain and this is the last experience everybody has when we die. I think, when we die, DMT is transferring us into an awareness of everything else with DMT in it, we just become aware of everything, everything that is real, everything that has or had DMT in it.

So, I think we create our own heaven or hell on earth, by limiting ourselves to being so locked into our own perspective, and not really listening or thinking about other peoples perspective. I think it is in listening to other people's perspective, and really thinking and considering what they say, and why they say it, and who they are, that we become closer to heaven on earth. But i think heaven or hell can only exist on earth. So, if we keep destroying the earth, and keep fearing each other, and fearing the apocalypse, that we will achieve that apocalypse because we never took the time to really consider what we are doing, or who we are, as a whole. 

As a collective part of the whole earth. We are all small little forms of energy, that will have a beginning and end, but that energy does not end, it continues on, and will become something or somebody else that is unique. So, the more we are aware of eachother and the world, the closer we will get to being aware of what causes us happiness or sadness, or emotions in general. Through knowledge, we learn to not be so scared of eachother. 

Through communicating our ideas, sharing, and collaborating, and really considering eachother's perspective, that is how we become aware of the reality we now exist in. We only have one life to make a difference for the better good of all forms of energy. If we use our energy together, and pay attention to how we are using our energy, we can work for the greater good of everyone and everything. But everyone has to do it together, everyone has to try a little. 

Communication is a form of energy, technology makes this form easier. science and technology can also make our lives easier and longer, and who doesn't want to stay alive to keep experiencing and learning all we can in this one life we have to live. Life is now. Yes, death will eventually happen, but that is not the important thing, it is the life we are living right now that is important. Time and energy don't stop, but if we keep just thinking about how we can best get ahead as singular entities, rather than thinking about how we can best get ahead as a whole, we will all go to hell. There are many ppl I think that are already living in hell, and the only way to get out of it, is to stop thinking about one's own self so much, and go out of the way to help other ppl out. Say hello to other ppl, get to know them. Know their name, know their face, recognize they are alive and part of the whole collective. We are all just humans, we are all just living right here, right now, on earth. We can all do what we can in this one life-time to make things better for everyone in this life-time, and in the life-times to come, for our children too. But not just our genetically given children, everyone's children.

"Collaboration with the Choir" - 2010

It goes something like fuck, the drums and the sweat

of a holy revelation, the pulpit of regret

in all the hard-pressed, misplaced

guilt and frustration summed up into

two scenes in twenty-four hours.

I hummed the serenade of the over-practiced choir

and contemplate on what is paid,

the price of desire, fixated on a love and hate

relation with myself, and delve into

a preacher's raid on how to aspire

to a perspective much higher, but

last night and this mood didn't sway

my desire for more than a coin collected

exchange of god power.

I need a beat that could hold me

to one place where two days weren't liars

of one me in two moods, guilt and desire.

I need a unified scene to be both sinner and saint.

I need to re-focus my senses, where reality

of moods can meet and I can be me.

New International Version (©1984) I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself.New Living Translation (©2007) As for me, it matters very little how I might be evaluated by you or by any human authority. I don't even trust my own judgment on this point. English Standard Version (©2001) But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. New American Standard Bible (©1995) But to me it is a very small thing that I may be examined by you, or by any human court; in fact, I do not even examine myself. International Standard Version (©2008) It is a very small thing to me that I should be examined by you or by any human court. In fact, I don't even evaluate myself. GOD'S WORD® Translation (©1995) It means very little to me that you or any human court should cross-examine me. I don't even ask myself questions. King James Bible But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged of you, or of man's judgment: yea, I judge not mine own self. American King James Version But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged of you, or of man's judgment: yes, I judge not my own self. American Standard Version But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged of you, or of man's judgment: yea, I judge not mine own self. Bible in Basic English But it is a small thing to me that I am judged by you or by man's judging; I am not even a judge of myself. Douay-Rheims Bible But to me it is a very small thing to be judged by you, or by man's day; but neither do I judge my own self. Darby Bible Translation But for me it is the very smallest matter that I be examined of you or of man's day. Nor do I even examine myself. English Revised Version But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged of you, or of man's judgment: yea, I judge not mine own self. Webster's Bible Translation But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you, or by man's judgment: yes, I judge not my own self. Weymouth New Testament I however am very little concerned at undergoing your scrutiny, or that of other men; in fact I do not even scrutinize myself. World English Bible But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you, or by man's judgment. Yes, I don't judge my own self. Young's Literal Translation and to me it is for a very little thing that by you I may be judged, or by man's day, but not even myself do I judge, Geneva Study Bible {3} But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged of you, {4} or of man's {b} judgment: yea, {5} I judge not mine own self. (3) In reprehending others, he sets himself for an example, and anticipates an objection. Using the gravity of an apostle, he shows that he does not care for the contrary judgments that those have of him, in that they esteemed him as a vile person, because he did not set forth himself as they did. And he brings good reasons why he was not moved with the judgments which they had of him. (4) First, because that which men judge in these cases of their own brains is not to be considered any more than when the unlearned judge of wisdom. (b) Literally, day, after the manner of Cilician speech. (5) Secondly, he says, how can you judge how much or how little I am to be made responsible for, seeing that I myself who know myself better than you do, and who dare profess that I have walked in my calling with a good conscience, dare not yet nonetheless claim anything to myself. Nonetheless, I know that I am not blameless: much less therefore should I flatter myself as you do. People's New Testament 4:3 It is a very small thing that I should be judged of you. The essential matter with Paul was, not that the Corinthians should judge him a faithful steward, or that he should be faithful in his own judgment, but that the Lord shall count him faithful. Of course, with factions at Corinth, some disparaged Paul. Wesley's Notes 4:3 Yea, I judge not myself - My final state is not to be determined by my own judgment. King James Translators' Notes judgment: Gr. day Jamieson-Fausset-Brown Bible Commentary 3. it is a very small thing-literally, "it amounts to a very small matter"; not that I despise your judgment, but as compared with God's, it almost comes to nothing. judged . of man's judgment-literally, "man's day," contrasted with the day (1Co 3:13) of the Lord (1Co 4:5; 1Th 5:4). "The day of man" is here put before us as a person [Wahl]. All days previous to the day of the Lord are man's days. Emesti translates the thrice recurring Greek for "judged . judge . judgeth" (1Co 4:4), thus: To me for my part (though capable of being found faithful) it is a very small matter that I should be approved of by man's judgment; yea, I do not even assume the right of judgment and approving myself-but He that has the right, and is able to judge on my case (the Dijudicator), is the Lord. Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary 4:1-6 Apostles were no more than servants of Christ, but they were not to be undervalued. They had a great trust, and for that reason, had an honourable office. Paul had a just concern for his own reputation, but he knew that he who chiefly aimed to please men, would not prove himself a faithful servant of Christ. It is a comfort that men are not to be our final judges. And it is not judging well of ourselves, or justifying ourselves, that will prove us safe and happy. Our own judgment is not to be depended upon as to our faithfulness, any more than our own works for our justification. There is a day coming, that will bring men's secret sins into open day, and discover the secrets of their hearts. Then every slandered believer will be justified, and every faithful servant approved and rewarded. The word of God is the best rule by which to judge as to men. Pride commonly is at the bottom of quarrels. Self-conceit contributes to produce undue esteem of our teachers, as well as of ourselves. We shall not be puffed up for one against another, if we remember that all are instruments, employed by God, and endowed by him with various talents.  all of this blog post was directly copy and pasted from, they deserve all the credit for this post: http://bible.cc/1_corinthians/4-3.htm

Knowledge and Emotion, and how they connect :)

    So, as I have spent many years around many different types n personalities of people, I've come to notice somethings in common. Again, just my perspective, but I think that more than anything else people like to be acknowledged. Acknowledged by someone or by a lot of people. Acknowledged for what and who they know. I hope one day I will be acknowledged for what and who I know, that I will be acknowledged for writing this blog, and writing my perspective which I hope will benefit anyone and everyone who cares to read it. I've noticed that, for example, when kids get a right answer in school, and are congratulated for it, it makes them feel good. It makes them feel accomplished at least in that moment in time. 

In writing my blog I'm trying to say I acknowledge all people, for being who and what you are, and I congratulate and appreciate your thoughts, ideas, perspectives, and simply your lives. I appreciate you for adding to my knowledge, and I acknowledge you are the reasons why I have shaped my perspective and life to be what it is. People feel good for being recognized and acknowledged. I think that knowledge in general is what makes people feel good. Knowledge of coming across something new, finding something/anything or someone/anyone that has some form of knowledge in common with them, and thereby forms a relationship with them.

It is conversation in general that makes this knowledge happen. Otherwise, people are limited to only their minds, their singular thoughts, which is a form of solitary confinement. I believe that solitary confinement is the worst punishment known to mankind, as we are social and inter-dependent animals. While people can survive on one's own, it is not a good feeling. Why did 'god' make 'eve' for 'adam'? For companionship, to make him feel better by having someone who shares something in common with him.

I don't think that companionship must be exclusively a romantic relationship, but I think we also desire that form of companionship as well. A best friend, a sole person that best understands you. But I think a best friend is far more important to making people feel good than the desire for sex, or money, or anything else. I think that is how we connect to God, by connecting to each other, in any capacity that occurs. In writing my blog, that was my hope. To connect with as many people as I could by sharing my singular perspective on how and why I choose to live my life the way I do. If you are alive, you are a human, and you are equal to me, because ultimately we are all after the same thing. Acknowledgment of what we think, feel, and know. I hope to know more, more people, more perspectives, more studies, more of life, because as far as I know I only have one life to live. I'm trying everything I know how to live it to the fullest. 

Desire of Being Known and Knowing Others

alright ladies, gents, n hermy-can'tbeputinboxes, this is where I think things really comes together- about the human condition and all. gotta back track on an earlier thought for a sec, though.

"Ok, people's utmost desire, because we are a people of community and relationships, is to be engaged and appreciated for our unique perspective within those relationships. Our worst punishment is solitary confinement. We, however, relate to our desire to be with and around other mainly based off emotion, intuition, and human instinct."- Nature of Desire post----

So, it seems that many people assume abnormality must be flawed, but in my reality, that is exactly the point. I'm ok with being known and recognized for my unique and individual perspective. I think most people just want to be known, have someone to know their name, remember their thoughts as uniquely and originally their own. I enjoy conversations with others of similar and alternative perspectives, and being a part of the input for the conversation at hand, I think we all do. 

 

Desire and Relationships

Well, to finish an earlier thought, I must continue with the nature of relationships and how they relate to both knowledge and desire.

So, it seems to me (please, correct me if I'm wrong here) that people base their desire of relationships mainly off of their emotional response to the knowledge or appearance of another. To me, it does not seem to be an equal balance of desire. People relate their desire to be with and around other people mainly based off emotion, intuition, and human instinct. People seem to find commonalities with each other based off how they emotionally respond to each other a lot more often than actual knowledge of each other. But, I tend to think emotions are temporal states of being, and thus a relationship based solely off emotional impulse seems a lot less credible for success than the ones based off actual knowledge, actual knowing what and who that other person is, thus they don't last as long.

BUT if a relationship is more completely based off actually getting to KNOW the other person, from common interests to life-long endeavors, perhaps more meaningful and successful relationships could be attained for all. Of course, this does take a degree of truly knowing oneself, to know who one is and what one wants out of a relationship is by no means an easy process to attempt to explore. 

So, I'll just at least share my own. I know for me, personally, I need relationships that value 1. Conversation 2. Companionship 3. Equality 4. Compromise 5. Commitment 6. Dedication to fostering a considerate and balanced love. This list is exhaustive, but flexible and they are tenants I am certain I need to be in a relationship. At least for me.

speaking of conversation, a lil something that got me thinking...

"Contrary to many of the linguistic theories of the day, which focused on diachronic linguistics or the changes in languages over time, Saussure developed a theory of synchronic language, how language works in the present. He argued that the relationship between the spoken word (signifier) and object (signified) is arbitrary and that meaning comes through the relationship between signs, which are for Saussure the union of signified and signifier. So the word "tree" means  by custom only and not through any intrinsic relationship between the sound and the thing. That's why both "arbol" and "tree" can both signify the same signified. English speakers construct meaning by distinguishing between tree and treat and trek as well as between tree and bush and flower. Meaning, then, comes from understanding what a thing IS NOT rather than from knowing in any kind of ontological sense what a thing IS. Meaning is constructed through difference, particularly through binary pairs (man/woman, good/evil). There is no absolute Platonic ideal "out there" to anchor meaning. There is no truth that is not constructed. There is nothing outside language. Language speaks (through) us. Language is thus a system of signs or a semiotic system, but merely one of many, all of which construct meaning, which does not exist outside the semiotic system."

sourced from http://www.ic.arizona.edu/ic/mcbride/theory/305struct.htm

#1, The Nature of Desire

So, I was thinking that people's utmost motivation for doing and being who and how they are is based off desire.
I was thinking that desire can be both logical and emotional, that desire fluctuates between these two facets of a person. So, i was thinking about what peoples utmost desire is, more than anything else. And while desire is often linked to sex, I'm thinkin there is more to it than just that.

now, even though i will continue to write the rest of my side of perspective as fact, i do not think in such absolutes. I could be wrong, and im willing to talk about it, n change my mind. I'm always open to new ideas and new conversation.


(clears throat, lights cig, makes a vodka highball) Ok, people's utmost desire, because we are a people of community and relationships, is to be engaged and appreciated for our unique perspective within those relationships. Our worst punishment is solitary confinement. We, however, relate to our desire to be with and around other mainly based off emotion, intuition, and human instinct. 


We find commonality with each other based off how we emotionally respond to one another. A lot of that is physical interaction, a smile, a wink, a high five, a scoffing look, a kiss, a look of pain, a look of pleasure, a blank un-engaged look, an attentive look.


 We find commonality with each other based off what each other says as well, what we know about each other. Do we like the same music, sports, political views, food, drinks, books, movies, religion, lack of religion? Within finding out about each other we develop a relationship with whoever we are engaging in conversation with. We satisfy our desire of knowledge, of knowing, of other people's perspective with similar interests. It seems to me, as people continue to think about things like the 'up-coming apocalypse', they also treat their relationships more and more like temporary situations. Even if there is no certainty that an apocalypse will seriously happen, as there is no certainty about what will literally occur in the future.


 There is an assumption that the interpretation of religious texts will lead to certain judgement and doom. However, i read this 'final chapter' of religious books as a warning to people. Since most of my knowledge happens to be correlated to the bible (i was a 'die-hard' christian for 20 years) i will allude to that particular religious text as far as the 'big ending' is concerned. The bible says that in the final days, god will come down to judge us all. The bible also says to not judge others, 'lest you be judged'. 'lest' means 'in fear of'. The bible also says 'fear is of death'. So, in my eyes, I think that to avoid apocalyptic damnation would be to not fear each other, to not judge one another and not say to one another for any certainty  that we are going to heaven or hell. How do we really know that is for certain going to happen? We have no way of really knowing, because it hasn't happened yet. But what we do know is that the religious text of at least christianity says to not judge eachother. It is not for us to do, it's for 'god' to do, all our job is  is to spread the 'good word'. Or just good words. Encourage one another to do good by themselves and by one another, so all this negative thinking, that will eventually rip us all apart, will stop. All the fighting, and wars, and hate will stop. If the bible is indeed the 'living word', than it is still alive to capture where we all are in this crazy world. And if the bible is true, than it would completely sync up to all the other things we know about the world, like science and evolution and sexuality and politics and everything. Now, i have no way of knowing for certain that there is a 'Great i am', but I interpret 'God' as when we all come together to not judge eachother, the Great Great appreciation we could have that we all are alive, right here, right now. at this very second. more to come though, hopefully.

#1- Journal Entries leading to my philosophical perspective

"Only the educated are free"- a fortune cookie that sits above my key board.

I'll first begin with a few journal entries I wrote 2 to 3 months prior to the start of this blog.

-- It is indescribable, really. But I’ll attempt it all the same- at least metaphorically. If there is a soul, an essence, a consciousness of self, that soul carries anchors like week old cadavers. In those personal moments of dropping dead weight, heavy pithy dead weight, the soul recognizes the consciousness of self, logical and emotional. Thus neither are supreme and both must be recognized on their own turf. I can’t write what I want. I cry. I cry. For me, emotion wins, everytime.

--“This is the natural death of love”- Wollstonecraft

Love evolves organically, but its end is always chemical. Life always turns out to be chemical, after all ('Finding Darwin's God', Miller). With a furry we motion into cool sweet love, like a bear trap tethered around the neck, the metal spines sink in, clamped under skin, and life’s a cactus needle, and burrows deep. Steps to remove a cactus needle: use the mechanism of man and rip it from the skin, or let it burrow til it comes out the other side. The motion between flesh and veins, the movement of love is a punch drunk anchor that will need sutures either way. Those sutures will come from a loved one, or it will come from the self.

-- What must be love? Love is a tired runner of times marathon. Love is the cyclical sweat, the dewy glisten of exhaustion. I’m sleepy with ruminations about love, and the lack thereof. Love without knowledge is pathological and deceptive. Marrying emotion and logic is dangerous, if unheeded. Wisdom is a curse. Ignorance is bliss, but not really.

-- It is born, it is rooted. It swallows the deep spring water of birth. It doesn’t know any better. How could it.

-- In the motion of a slinky down the steps, the combination of natural law and man-made motion equal a metaphor of time. Why am I slinking into Time again, or can I help it? The poetic conceits have remained consistent throughout my life. They are my lifelong baggage that I continue to sift through. What depths I have pondered, and philosophers still carry a lot of bunk. I find my readings inspiring and problematic, but it is just through my lens. It makes me feel swollen with aporia and frustrated with claims. Perhaps the truth is in the search, a lot more then the destination. Perhaps I should be glad I don’t know.

-- It took about a week of depression and alcoholism to figure it out. But in the time of feverish intensity I came to realize something about wisdom. 1. In dealing with reality and emotions, it is most important to call upon your wise friends 2. Alcohol is expensive and exhaustive 3. In the fervor of emotional distress, it is most important to call upon your inner resources for help, to remember the big picture and the lifelong goals and in that big picture, to figure out where the present situation fits. I had a great realization about the nature of desire and relationships last night. Desire and its motion is as temporary as sucking on candy; relationships require an ability to continue to find and keep the sweet parts of one another, and let that taste linger in one’s mouth. I am looking for cool sweet love, and I was getting close to sabotaging myself, and I stepped back, re-adjusted the lens, and saw the thistle in the side of my lifelong goals, and I picked that sucker out. Now I am changing the course of my desire, so it matches up with reality. I have a lot of emotional and logical desire, and I am also a bit wise. I almost acted against my nature, but I didn’t, I chose to act wise instead. I think I made the right call.

-- As of late, it seems that poetry is offering various perspectives within a single poem. I would like to write poetry that puts reality into a more objective perspective. And to follow the ted-talks speaker I watched about selling, where the first objective is to describe the reason behind needing to know this or that quality, than to show how this perspective encompasses that quality- and then apply that to a universal knowledge about perspective. I also think that people are very quick to cast judgments and assumptions, and that shit really pisses me off. People do not know me well enough to have the perspective I have to judge my actions. I’ve held an amazingly good and logical head on my shoulders through all this shit, and people are still questioning my actions and placing them in the frame of solely their perspective but not considering my own. Yes, I’ve had a lot of rejection lately (of course most people don’t know about it) but I don’t give a fuck about other people not wanting to really see me, or give me credit in my intelligence. I have learned a lot about myself and what I really really do want and need in a relationship through all this, and I am not willing to compromise on what I want AND need from a romantic relationship. I am almost thinking of past relationships as a kind of resume for the future- it’s not an accurate description of their potential, but it, at least, has shown the perspective and the direction they are in. And I want a relationship that also wants to learn, grow, and develop as I do, as a person. Also, a relationship that has room for equality- I want a unity and friendship, and I think it does not have to be a man I am with, but I at least want someone who understands a man and woman's perspective, in the sense of propelling and kindling a desire for one another. I want someone as equally as passionate as I am.

I have lots of people desiring me, none of which are in the ways I want to be desired.

-- In abandonment, one learns

to find unity within

the routines of

day to day

cigarette breaks

and five dollar cups

of coffee.

-- Silly faced or sincere, photos make emotional mockery, silly me, silly me, and stupid you. We are fucked before we knew each others’ misery, and then flood hand held sighs upon rubbed thighs and try to make it commiserated luxury of no certain end. We feed upon our pet Hedonist shtick and the black faces come out and spit, but when, and then, so what will happen, when…...

-- I am hyper depressed

-- There are so many different types and moments of silence. The silence of a good night’s sleep, the silence before the storm, the silence after an orgasm, the silence of being purposefully ignored. Lately I have had an abundance of the last form of silence, they fill my moments, they pour into time and space. I don’t really enjoy its company, but its persistence is cloaked over me, and carried around like a sick infant, demanding my attention and shocking my nerves. It’s a bother and a bore. Silence, sick silence, I would much rather ignore you, and not be ignored.

-- A Beautiful Destruction

The pools of halos are collected
on the rim of a glass of water.
Eleven o’clock brunch, alone.
The beginning of a break up is a beautiful
destruction, a chance of something new and
a loss of something
full of failure.
The caress of the fan cools
my skin, and calls upon memories
of lovers, all ruined by now.
I have had many beautiful destructions,
and I remain one.
In the moments of quiet reflection,
I am torn apart
by memories of desire,
and the budding silence
of solitude.
Flowering silence, your sweet smell
is cursed.