This is a somewhat unconnected post to the overall purpose of this blog, but I felt it was necessary to express some of my observations since I originally started this blog. This entry is mainly a personal reflection and I by no means am trying to offend, if anything I am trying to share my opinion to make amends.
Friday- May 20, 2011
It gives alone a clarity of existence to follow ideals within any and every action and word- to follow alone compassion, knowledge, responsibility, and respect shapes every motivation of desire, every interaction within oneself and with others. There is not much room in this world any more for philosophers, I'm not sure if there ever was. Look at the lives of philosophers, saints, poets; put within a framework of their ostracism, tragic deaths, emotional turmoil, devotion to thought, misunderstandings, and differences. It can only be reasoned that within one's life, if devoted to philosophy, one will be mocked and ridiculed, and yet as an intrinsic element of my own existence I can testify to an inability to live in any other capacity except one devoted to thought, to philosophy.
But it seems that ideals exist as a trite notion to the self-centered, self-indulgent culture of my times, where so much devotion to thought and conversation remains dedicated to one end- 'How can 'I' perceive my own assumptions on the others around me without engaging them in sincere conversation? What can I assume from their physical gestures and momentary decisions?' It only exacerbates a privy of not only self-worth, but self-assertion that one's assumptions are wholly sound. It is closed-mindedness to an exponential degree. And yet, even so, even with my prior willingness to engage in earnest conversation with anyone (as I do not assume or judge myself, I likewise do not engage or enforce those notions on others) yet now, I am constricted with the anxiety, and yes quite possibly fear, that my conversation will be taken not as two (or more) individuals enriching one another's lives, but rather as an enticing game to which others coerce me to speak so they can covertly repeat what I say in order to perpetuate a national facade. So, without a desire to facilitate deceit, i remain silenced by my inability to compromise me ideals, because the vast amount of attention by no means equates with my ideals of equality, mutual respect, compassion, responsibility, and knowledge.
So I find no remedy to my existential crisis of the mind, I cannot and will not perpetuate a facade, not will I respond to false conjectures as to assumed interpretations of my thoughts, not when I have such distant attachment to the repetition of surface level assumptions. So, due to my budding infamy, instead of remedying my solitary confinement, I have in twisted irony perpetuated it. My life seems at times to be themed solely as a cosmic joke of ironies best played tricks. My personal philosophy was adopted to be my personal life as a hoax of repetition and others voyeuristic attention to me, while I continue not in self-absorption, but rather a devotion to my ideals executed by my devotion to others thoughts and opportunities for education. I came off as pretentious while in reality I wanted only to share my perspective for the possible benefit of others, and instead I got warped into a game of fallacy, a walking bevy of 'entertaining' (and demeaning) responses of others for their own selfish indulgence- a distraction from their own sense of self and to propagate conformity with others into one theme of immediacy and cruel assumptions. Perhaps it is people's fear to face up to their pride and deceit, to choose to not admit truth because of timidity and fear, and to not own up to harsh realities because it is not 'fun' to think about, and it is social territory unfamiliar.
Perhaps at the root is a fear of change. Change is accepted when the masses accept it, change is shunned and an ostracizing intrusion when it does not appeal to what the masses comfortably conform to. How did this become acceptable? How have me moved so far beyond ideals into trite, hedonistic cruelties- it is a gang mentality and a dangerous game to play. I remain heavy depressed by my inability to rectify matters- I would have so much preferred now to be 'un-known' because I frankly never was and still am not. Only now people know my face, possibly common gestures, and a few automatic phrases of cordiality and exchange out of my attempt to try to not stigmatize my social acceptance any more than I already have. It's difficult to hear people audibly disagree with themselves within moment to moment statements. 'I will say as others have said, than tell myself and others to Stop, but only for the next moment to continue repeating rhetorical reoccurances as a cyclical game of empty meaning. I suppose, more than anything, I see no point to it, no benefit for myself or others outside of momentary distractions for the sake of conformity. Even in saying this, I realize this is only my interpretation and I falter in being true to my ideals, and am open and willing to discuss and change my mind, and I hope I didn't offend any readers. Also, I don't mean to come off as self-righteous, I'm no hero, no moral saint, no more confused than anyone else about how to do right by myself and by others. I still do enjoy the company of genuine people, without subtext, with earnest acceptance, and with a true opinion and full life of unique experiences to share. Can't wait to start celebrating differences again, or at least that is my hope.
Friday- May 20, 2011
It gives alone a clarity of existence to follow ideals within any and every action and word- to follow alone compassion, knowledge, responsibility, and respect shapes every motivation of desire, every interaction within oneself and with others. There is not much room in this world any more for philosophers, I'm not sure if there ever was. Look at the lives of philosophers, saints, poets; put within a framework of their ostracism, tragic deaths, emotional turmoil, devotion to thought, misunderstandings, and differences. It can only be reasoned that within one's life, if devoted to philosophy, one will be mocked and ridiculed, and yet as an intrinsic element of my own existence I can testify to an inability to live in any other capacity except one devoted to thought, to philosophy.
But it seems that ideals exist as a trite notion to the self-centered, self-indulgent culture of my times, where so much devotion to thought and conversation remains dedicated to one end- 'How can 'I' perceive my own assumptions on the others around me without engaging them in sincere conversation? What can I assume from their physical gestures and momentary decisions?' It only exacerbates a privy of not only self-worth, but self-assertion that one's assumptions are wholly sound. It is closed-mindedness to an exponential degree. And yet, even so, even with my prior willingness to engage in earnest conversation with anyone (as I do not assume or judge myself, I likewise do not engage or enforce those notions on others) yet now, I am constricted with the anxiety, and yes quite possibly fear, that my conversation will be taken not as two (or more) individuals enriching one another's lives, but rather as an enticing game to which others coerce me to speak so they can covertly repeat what I say in order to perpetuate a national facade. So, without a desire to facilitate deceit, i remain silenced by my inability to compromise me ideals, because the vast amount of attention by no means equates with my ideals of equality, mutual respect, compassion, responsibility, and knowledge.
So I find no remedy to my existential crisis of the mind, I cannot and will not perpetuate a facade, not will I respond to false conjectures as to assumed interpretations of my thoughts, not when I have such distant attachment to the repetition of surface level assumptions. So, due to my budding infamy, instead of remedying my solitary confinement, I have in twisted irony perpetuated it. My life seems at times to be themed solely as a cosmic joke of ironies best played tricks. My personal philosophy was adopted to be my personal life as a hoax of repetition and others voyeuristic attention to me, while I continue not in self-absorption, but rather a devotion to my ideals executed by my devotion to others thoughts and opportunities for education. I came off as pretentious while in reality I wanted only to share my perspective for the possible benefit of others, and instead I got warped into a game of fallacy, a walking bevy of 'entertaining' (and demeaning) responses of others for their own selfish indulgence- a distraction from their own sense of self and to propagate conformity with others into one theme of immediacy and cruel assumptions. Perhaps it is people's fear to face up to their pride and deceit, to choose to not admit truth because of timidity and fear, and to not own up to harsh realities because it is not 'fun' to think about, and it is social territory unfamiliar.
Perhaps at the root is a fear of change. Change is accepted when the masses accept it, change is shunned and an ostracizing intrusion when it does not appeal to what the masses comfortably conform to. How did this become acceptable? How have me moved so far beyond ideals into trite, hedonistic cruelties- it is a gang mentality and a dangerous game to play. I remain heavy depressed by my inability to rectify matters- I would have so much preferred now to be 'un-known' because I frankly never was and still am not. Only now people know my face, possibly common gestures, and a few automatic phrases of cordiality and exchange out of my attempt to try to not stigmatize my social acceptance any more than I already have. It's difficult to hear people audibly disagree with themselves within moment to moment statements. 'I will say as others have said, than tell myself and others to Stop, but only for the next moment to continue repeating rhetorical reoccurances as a cyclical game of empty meaning. I suppose, more than anything, I see no point to it, no benefit for myself or others outside of momentary distractions for the sake of conformity. Even in saying this, I realize this is only my interpretation and I falter in being true to my ideals, and am open and willing to discuss and change my mind, and I hope I didn't offend any readers. Also, I don't mean to come off as self-righteous, I'm no hero, no moral saint, no more confused than anyone else about how to do right by myself and by others. I still do enjoy the company of genuine people, without subtext, with earnest acceptance, and with a true opinion and full life of unique experiences to share. Can't wait to start celebrating differences again, or at least that is my hope.
